My Toughts

I'm trying to sort this out. The way things are going I feel like a big decision has to be made about us staying together or not. I want to stay with you so bad but at the same time it feels like I might be better off without you. I don't like how when we get into an argument or disagreement about something, you disappear for a few days. I can't imagine marrying somebody who does that to me once a month. The reason I am reacting this way to this particular fight is becuase I don't feel I deserve this from you. It's not really right to disappear after somebody tells you you need to do your own share of the work (and moreover if they are right about it). If you react this way even when we both know I was right, then I know the problem isn't mine. And I've been trying to figure out what the problem is with me but I understand now that its not my problem. I've also learned my lesson already about what to do with guys who disappear on you. You don't give into it. You walk away because you will only make yourself more miserable. So this is your last chance. You can fix it or leave. I'm tired of chasing after you every time we get in a fight and I am not going to deal with it anymore.

What is the point of continuing this relationship if we aren't going to get married? I'm not dating you casually. I take this relationship seriously and I try my best to make it work. I hope you are trying your best and if you are not I wish you would try harder. I do more than my fair share of work. I take the blame many times when I don't even feel I did anything wrong after we fight - because I want to be with you. I do the majority of the work in the classes we take together. I do the majority of the driving. I hold in alot thoughts about you like the psychology thing because I know how you will react even to the slightest criticism. But I can't be running at 250% every day with you. I need to fall back on you too but I don't feel that I could depend on you, at least from what I've seen from you.

It's really mostly your loss. I'm a good person, I have a decent family, I am a harder worker, I am loyal, I'm there for you when you need me, I'm patient, I'm smart, and I'm strong enough to let this one go, if you can't suck it up and be the other half of the relationship.