Subject Forbidden
I never thought I'd be blogging about my sex life. But it's always sucked and I've never really opened up to anyone about it. Maybe it's time to explore myself... lol.
My sex history is this. I lost my virginity at 15 (wow, that sounds horrible now that I look at that number) and have had two partners since. The first partner was a total asshole and my current one is very respectful, so much so that we really don't get very far sexually.
The problem is that I've never really had a good orgasm with a guy (solo is another story) and that is simply because I don't allow myself to. It's an irrational fear of mine that I really want to get over because I'm sick of sex not being fun. I don't let myself delve into the moment and feel the freedom to move as I want, to play with my partner as I want, to experiment and risk "not doing it right."
I know I'm certainly capable of having a good orgasm. One night, not long ago, I was feeling very free and oddly happy (for me), and I got very close to orgasming, in fact it was the first half of an orgasm, but when he finished first I did not complain. I simply put my clothes back on and we continued life as usual.
To make matters complicated I have to say that I feel there is something missing with my current partner. I think its the emotional aspect of sex. I mean, the fact that I don't contribute much is the most unhelpful thing, and he does try but its like he's lazy. For example he'll only do like 20 seconds of oral (to get me wetter so he can go in easier)... I mean c'mon I can't get off in 20 seconds.
I want to say we are unbalanced. We've had sex many times and every time he got off. He owes me that many orgasms now, it feels like. But then I don't say anything either. Because I'm scared.
The reason I'm writing this is to find some courage to be more open with my partner. Mostly I want more passion in the relationship, not only during sex, but all the time. We are good friends and we love each other but the fire is not burning very bright. I don't feel like I can express emotions to him because he doesn't express them much either. I wonder, is there something we can do to improve this situation or it is that we are just not all that compatable?
First step, talk to him about it (duh). What am I going to say - maybe, the most obvious, acknowledge that I have a fear. He probably knows that LOL. I mean, you'd think I'd be more comfortable with him after four months together.
My sex history is this. I lost my virginity at 15 (wow, that sounds horrible now that I look at that number) and have had two partners since. The first partner was a total asshole and my current one is very respectful, so much so that we really don't get very far sexually.
The problem is that I've never really had a good orgasm with a guy (solo is another story) and that is simply because I don't allow myself to. It's an irrational fear of mine that I really want to get over because I'm sick of sex not being fun. I don't let myself delve into the moment and feel the freedom to move as I want, to play with my partner as I want, to experiment and risk "not doing it right."
I know I'm certainly capable of having a good orgasm. One night, not long ago, I was feeling very free and oddly happy (for me), and I got very close to orgasming, in fact it was the first half of an orgasm, but when he finished first I did not complain. I simply put my clothes back on and we continued life as usual.
To make matters complicated I have to say that I feel there is something missing with my current partner. I think its the emotional aspect of sex. I mean, the fact that I don't contribute much is the most unhelpful thing, and he does try but its like he's lazy. For example he'll only do like 20 seconds of oral (to get me wetter so he can go in easier)... I mean c'mon I can't get off in 20 seconds.
I want to say we are unbalanced. We've had sex many times and every time he got off. He owes me that many orgasms now, it feels like. But then I don't say anything either. Because I'm scared.
The reason I'm writing this is to find some courage to be more open with my partner. Mostly I want more passion in the relationship, not only during sex, but all the time. We are good friends and we love each other but the fire is not burning very bright. I don't feel like I can express emotions to him because he doesn't express them much either. I wonder, is there something we can do to improve this situation or it is that we are just not all that compatable?
First step, talk to him about it (duh). What am I going to say - maybe, the most obvious, acknowledge that I have a fear. He probably knows that LOL. I mean, you'd think I'd be more comfortable with him after four months together.
posted by mythreefeet at
12:46 AM
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