I was reading my post about Halloween that I posted a few weeks ago. I regret not participating. Next year I'd like to actually decorate my front yard and give out candies to the kids. It would be fun for them. This kinda reminds me of something I've been thinking about lately. Apparently I have a problem with my social life and I didn't take a good look at it till I was in high school, but at that time I was lost and clueless so looking at my problem just made me more depressed. BUT. Now I'm smarter LOL. I think I have some degree of Avoidant Personality Disorder. I've read about other people's experiences about it and of course they have a much harder description of life but mine is pretty similar. The few friends that I have, I see maybe once a year and I met them in high school, not really by choice, but by happening to be in the same classes. There are a few I met studying abroad but those are even more distant than my high school friends. I would really love to have one or two good friends that I spent time with more often, maybe on a weekly basis. Girl friends, because my boyfriend is obviously my best friend but a boyfriend is not the same as a girl friend. Shopping for clothes and talking about your PMS is a totally different experience with the two. Plus, its not just those things. It'd be nice to have different people in my life with different personalities. What if I want to go out to a sushi bar? Or go dancing? Or ice skating? Or to the beach? Or some more people to help me practice a speech for a class? My boyfriend will be there in all these situations but maybe not with the same amount of enthusiasm or enjoyment. Plus he's got some sort of ADD, not literally, but he just gets bored quick. It'd be nice to hang out with someone who will take time with me sometimes. What about xmas shopping? and Birthdays? Having other peoples ideas and company for looking for gifts would be nice. And someone else to talk to when I get in a fight with my bf. Just a bf alone is not enough for me. I need more friends. Good friends.

So back to the Halloween thing. The reason I said these things is because I have been thinking about why it is that I don't have a very good social life. 1) I need to suck it up and be more outgoing, even if I'm uncomfortable with it at first. How will I ever meet new people or get more social experience if I hide all the time? 2) I need to learn how to be friendly and talkative and funny and how to relate well to others. Right now, it's not like I have zero social skill but they definately need some work. I'm sure I'll make an ass of myself but most people will not care. And eventually I won't make an ass of myself anymore. 3) I can be more outgoing by starting out with simple things like Holidays. Next week I'm having a little Thanksgiving get together with my family and bf's family. It's not a big deal but even little things like that will help me, plus being with other people in general just makes me feel happier. Other things I can look forward to are Christmas, my 21st birthday, New Years, getting a pass to Disney, and taking Pilates. Pilates should be different than a normal class because its more open I guess. Sitting in a desk listening to a prof doesn't really constitute expanding your social horizons but going to a Pilates class almost forces you to step outside your normal box and do things things that might even be embarrasing. Hopefully I'm just not in a class with 20 people who've been dancers since they were 5 and no one else. I hope there are regular people in there too.