Ex

Old emails always screw with my emotions, especially the ones exchanged between me and my ex. Sad though, because I never really met him - it was an online thing... 2 years (bad, I know).

But still it makes me sad that even online, I think I had more of a connection with my ex than I have with my current boyfriend. And I know that's horrible of me to say. But I think my boyfriend is more trustworthy.

What is missing? I love him, I do. But... where is the thing that makes life worth living? Where's the feeling? Where are the dreams? The heart? The intermingling poetry between two beings? We are like two machines working side by side. Why not as one?

Maybe he's not feeling the same as me about this. Or is he? Or maybe it's too soon for me to be wondering about these things. It's only been 4 months. Last time it took more than 6 to get to that point.

My god, has it really been only 4 months. It feels like an eternity has passed.

And it's been one year since the breakup with my ex. That was painful. I think I'm fully over him, or almost.

Why is that when I try to write about my ex, my writing becomes so unreadable? It's horrible.

I remember my first boyfriend. It's been 4 years. I don't even feel anything when I think of him now. I'm numb to it.