Cluttered Mind
Too many thoughts: unresolved worries and problems, unresolved decisions, things to do, upcoming events, feelings, loneliness. Its like a need girl friends in my life, besides my boyfriend and family who seem to be my only source of a social life.
Sometimes I feel like I have some sort of undiagnosed mental problem like social phobia or depression but I think my problem is just that I need a bigger social life. I miss having friends to talk to when I have absolutely nothing to do, and hanging out doing girly stuff at home, and shopping together (without a guy waiting for us outside the store). I need that in my life and I miss it. I miss having someone to do homework with who is equally as focused on doing well in school. I can do stuff with my boyfriend and all but its just not the same as having girl friends. Or even a best friend who you don't have any sort of romantic relationship with. It's a different sort of intimacy that I miss. What am I supposed to do when my bf is busy? I don't have a problem being alone but I don't wanna be alone that much. And I need OTHER people in my life. One person is not enough to bounce ideas off of and talk to about personal things in ur life. And I need people who have different personalities. There are things me and him don't agree on which is fine but I'd like to agree with someone else about those things at some point, at least. I don't even have anyone to exercise with or to eat the same foods that I like with or to do the girly things with that my bf is too much of a guy to do with me LOL.
I know it sounds kinda childish that I miss reading magazines with friends and doing makeup together and watching chik flicks with but even if it is, I think they are important ways to relieve stress from life. The girls who are (were?) my friends are all too busy to hang out anymore. I mean even once every few months would be enough. But I haven't seen them in maybe a year. I don't necessarily like the people in my neighborhood, just the girl next door but she's busy with a boyfriend too. I guess I should talk to her. She was fun to hang out with too. She even said she missed me too the other day when I ran into her.
Maybe if I had girl friends I'd have more reason to actually sleep at night and be awake during the day.
My cluttered mind is currently filled with the following:
1) Is what I am studying what I should really be pursuing? Is it for me?
2) I want somebody to exercise with on a regular basis, that enjoys exercising outside during the early morning or at dusk.
3) I want to go to the beach but nobody seems to wanna go. Going alone would suck a little.
4) I want to eat sushi with someone who actually likes it.
5) I have so many things to do before I leave for vacation and I have no motivation whatsoever to get them done.
6) My house is a freaking mess and I am overwhelmed to a point where I'd rather sit on the couch and avoid it all.
7) I want somebody to complain to about my boyfriend when he does stupid stuff to piss me off.
8) I want somebody to gush to about him when he does really sweet things too.
9) I want somebody to talk to about the interesting things in life, like art and music and philosophy and religion and nature.
10) I want to get away from the computer geek once in a while.
11) I wanna go to disneyland and to other fun places with somebody who doesn't get overwhelmed by crowds and traffic.
12) I have to pack and I am very reluctant to do it.
13) I want somebody to be a wuss about my wisdom teeth with. Somebody who is scared of pain just like me.
14) I just need more friends in general.
15) I need to get my school stuff in order and figure out what the hell it is I wanna do becuase I feel like I am wasting time.
And there is more but it could be a very long list.
I'm glad I at least have to blog to vent in. And I don't have to worry about grammar and shit.
Anyways right now its 5.37 am. I slept yesterday afternoon and I laid down for a little while a couple hours ago. I think I should be okay to get through the day without falling asleep. I really need to get some things done today and quit putting it off.
Sometimes I feel like I have some sort of undiagnosed mental problem like social phobia or depression but I think my problem is just that I need a bigger social life. I miss having friends to talk to when I have absolutely nothing to do, and hanging out doing girly stuff at home, and shopping together (without a guy waiting for us outside the store). I need that in my life and I miss it. I miss having someone to do homework with who is equally as focused on doing well in school. I can do stuff with my boyfriend and all but its just not the same as having girl friends. Or even a best friend who you don't have any sort of romantic relationship with. It's a different sort of intimacy that I miss. What am I supposed to do when my bf is busy? I don't have a problem being alone but I don't wanna be alone that much. And I need OTHER people in my life. One person is not enough to bounce ideas off of and talk to about personal things in ur life. And I need people who have different personalities. There are things me and him don't agree on which is fine but I'd like to agree with someone else about those things at some point, at least. I don't even have anyone to exercise with or to eat the same foods that I like with or to do the girly things with that my bf is too much of a guy to do with me LOL.
I know it sounds kinda childish that I miss reading magazines with friends and doing makeup together and watching chik flicks with but even if it is, I think they are important ways to relieve stress from life. The girls who are (were?) my friends are all too busy to hang out anymore. I mean even once every few months would be enough. But I haven't seen them in maybe a year. I don't necessarily like the people in my neighborhood, just the girl next door but she's busy with a boyfriend too. I guess I should talk to her. She was fun to hang out with too. She even said she missed me too the other day when I ran into her.
Maybe if I had girl friends I'd have more reason to actually sleep at night and be awake during the day.
My cluttered mind is currently filled with the following:
1) Is what I am studying what I should really be pursuing? Is it for me?
2) I want somebody to exercise with on a regular basis, that enjoys exercising outside during the early morning or at dusk.
3) I want to go to the beach but nobody seems to wanna go. Going alone would suck a little.
4) I want to eat sushi with someone who actually likes it.
5) I have so many things to do before I leave for vacation and I have no motivation whatsoever to get them done.
6) My house is a freaking mess and I am overwhelmed to a point where I'd rather sit on the couch and avoid it all.
7) I want somebody to complain to about my boyfriend when he does stupid stuff to piss me off.
8) I want somebody to gush to about him when he does really sweet things too.
9) I want somebody to talk to about the interesting things in life, like art and music and philosophy and religion and nature.
10) I want to get away from the computer geek once in a while.
11) I wanna go to disneyland and to other fun places with somebody who doesn't get overwhelmed by crowds and traffic.
12) I have to pack and I am very reluctant to do it.
13) I want somebody to be a wuss about my wisdom teeth with. Somebody who is scared of pain just like me.
14) I just need more friends in general.
15) I need to get my school stuff in order and figure out what the hell it is I wanna do becuase I feel like I am wasting time.
And there is more but it could be a very long list.
I'm glad I at least have to blog to vent in. And I don't have to worry about grammar and shit.
Anyways right now its 5.37 am. I slept yesterday afternoon and I laid down for a little while a couple hours ago. I think I should be okay to get through the day without falling asleep. I really need to get some things done today and quit putting it off.
posted by mythreefeet at
5:08 AM
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