I've been thinking about what my new years resolution should be and I came up with one. I want to make a nice little waist for myself. I've never had a nice waist and it's something that I think would really help my self esteem. How do I plan to make that a reality? I need to lose 10 pounds a month. I need to use cellulite cream. I need to do dry brushing. I need to do pilates and cardio. I need to lose a total of 60 pounds for any semblance of muscle to show through. I need to have a diet high in lean proteins and low in simple carbs. I've never really been a huge fan of chicken breast because it can be pretty dry but I need to learn to be good friends with chicken now. It's a good protein staple. I like fish better but I can't eat it as often. And if after all that my skin is looking gnarly still, plastic surgery may be needed to finish it off. Garrett was talking about a picture of us where we were thinner and looking good. He said something about my stomach being flat and me actually having a girly shape to my waist. It makes me feel bad that I am not really sexy for him. I know I would feel special if he put in effort to look good for me. This is something I need to put alot of focus into. I need to make it a priority and I need to put aside any shame or embarrassment. I am wearing a size 15 pants right now and I have to shop in the plus size section and it sucks. At this size there is no way to hide the curves that don't belong there. I need to stick to this. If not for him, then for me. I want to be in a size 13 by the time school starts. Not only does this weight harp on my self esteem it also affects my studies. I feel self conscious in class and then I don't pay as much attention as I could. Before this, I thought my new years resolution should be to get into a bikini by summer. Maybe that can be next years resolution. I don't think that is a realistic goal for me right now. The waist thing though is something I feel more strongly about too.

Daily: cellulite cream, cardio, salads, yogurts, green tea
Every couple days: pilates, chicken, fish, pork chops, carrots

End of January: Size 13
End of February: Size 11
End of March: Size 9
End of April: Size 7
End of May: Size 5
End of June: ? Maybe still size 5 but 3 is welcome

And then, if I go on vacation I'd use a self tanner on my waist beforehand.

How would having a nice waist change my life? I'd be able to find clothes easier and in more places. I'd be confident about myself in school. I wouldn't always be worrying that someone is looking at my bulging fat roll. I'd be able to wear a swimsuit, I'd be able to go without covering myself up with sweaters. That would make summers more comfortable. I would be able to wear skirts and dresses. Shirts would be easier to find. I'd feel proud if I ran into somebody I know from high school. I'd feel sexier which would help my relationship with Garrett. I'd feel less self conscious running at the park or in public places in general. I'd feel great in Uruguay. I could throw away all my fat clothes. I could wrap a normal size towel around me. I'd feel more confident about finding a job. I'd have more energy. My social life would probably improve due to higher self esteem. I could use it in my personal statement. I could feel less like the stalky steriotype of women in computer science. I'd feel better about traveling out of the country. I want to make all the people who were mean to me jealous.