I don't think I can continue studying computer science. It makes me feel really stupid and inadequate. When I started college I wanted to become a better student but I feel like because I didn't learn the skills as a child, I wont be able to pick them up now.

What else would I study though? English is out the question because I suck at reading. Anthropology is interesting but I don't want to be a teacher. Linguistics was what I wanted to to do originally but I dunno. I'd have to completely start over if I did that. Art... eh I'm not all that great with interpretation. I like to express myself but I can't seem to understand what other people are trying to express. It's like I think in only one direction. Now I guess going into pharmacy would be a logical choice cuz I've already got some math down, now I just need science. And hopefully it wouldn't require ten years of schooling.

Thats another reason why I'm starting to regret my major. I don't want to be in school for ten years. I did at one point but now I don't. I want to be healthy and school is an unhealthy place becuase it's too stressful. I don't want to live here for the next ten years. I just want a job and I want to get out of this miserable fucking city to a place where people aren't such idiots.

This semester looks as if it's going to be one of those that are a complete waste of time. Where you start out thinking you are going to do great but instead you end up dropping half of your classes and getting C's in the ones to stayed in. Some people are fine with C's and sometimes I wish I was okay with them too but I'm not. Maybe I should just quit school. I'm never gonna be a better student. "Hello world, my name is ... and I'm a bad student."

I'm not even sure where I screwed up. Last weekend I concentrated too much on one class and it got in the way of my other ones but it's a week later and I'm still behind.

I have to do this essay for English where I take a few lines or sentences and just try to pull out as much out of it as possible. So I read this story about a guy in the Vietnam war and decided I'll try and use something out of that. There is a huge theme about burden and weight in it but my god I'm overburdened with things to write about. I can't seem to find the things that are most significant cuz there is just so much packed into it. Argh. Stupid love-hate thing I have for English.

I can't sleep. I know I should stay in bed because at least I'll feel somewhat rested if I just lay there. But I'm soooo awake. I just want it to be tomorrow already.

While I was laying there earlier I was thinking about Garrett. We were talking on the phone earlier when I was in the middle of a homework problem so I wasn't really paying much attention to him. He wanted me to call him back later so we could just talk and I totally forgot. I feel bad lol. I dunno what's up with us. Our relationship suddenly got much better after we came back from studying abroad. Hopefully it's not just a phase, which we sometimes have. Sometimes we'll bicker at each other for weeks or months and sometimes we'll get along so well. Right now we are in one of those getting along stages I think but its different. It's better. Hopefully it stays that way.

So today was the beginning of the third week into the semester. Only like 12 more weeks to go... I think I can handle it. I'm tired but I have been more tired than this. As long as I don't have too many nights like tonight LOL. I wish I wasn't so awake right now. oh well.

I just had math today and after class I spent the whole afternoon doing homework and studying. Argh. And then I had to clean the kitchen because the floor was no longer white. It was turning black. Why am I the only one that cleans the kitchen?

Today, later this morning, I have C++ and English, and then I get another afternoon full of homework... yippieee. I can't decide if Tuesdays or Thursdays are worse. Thursdays are the same as Tuesdays except that I have one more class which is Architecture and I don't do homework after school. Such a busy week. Arghola. When's my next holiday lol?

After the next 12 or so weeks I finally get to relax. I have no plans for once over vacation. Probly I'll watch lots of tv and do nothing. How boring. Maybe I'll get another disney pass in January, but I dunno yet. After a while it gets sorta boring to go on the same rides time after time and see the same fireworks show every night and stand in long lines and park a mile away. Plus Garrett never seems to do what I wanna do. We never go on the log ride or the canoes. I mean is that so much to ask? lol. It's kinda vanished from my memory by now but our plan of attack used to go something like this: buzz lightyear and/or space mountain, haunted mansion, pirates, maybe the jungle cruise and do some of the same rides over again maybe and end the day with space one more time. Once in a while we would go to toon town or it's a small world or do the train or the monerail or walk around main street. Usually not though. And it was so crowded when we would go too. Once we tried to eat lunch and I think we literally spent an hour standing in line for a cheesburger and some fries. It wasn't THAT long of a line either. It was just moving really slow.

Some of the things that I don't usually do: canoes, log ride, thunder mountain, teacups, watch the little shows, california adventure in general, autopia, toon town, materhorn, actually watch the fireworks, tom sawyers island. And other stuff too I guess. Oh the big boats too, usually don't do them. I should dedicate a day or two to doing things that are out of the ordinary. Or maybe do a land a day and do everything in that land.