Halloween Down the Drain

There goes another halloween not celebrated. Bleh. Every year my neighborhood gets quieter and quieter. This year I haven't yet heard a single kid or ring on my doorbell and it's been dark for an hour. It seems like nobody celebrates anymore and I get the feeling that halloween is going to die in the near future. Hopefully its just my boring neighborhood and halloween is still very alive and kicking.

This all makes me feel guilty for not standing up and doing my own part of contributing to halloween in my neighborhood. I mean maybe if I set an example others might follow. There aren't many kids living near me, though, we've all grown up. Anyway, I kind of want to make up for it by celebrating Christmas to the best of my ability. Not just buying gifts and putting ornaments on a fake tree but reading books and learning things about christmas that I never knew, watching all the classic movies, listening to the carols and music, making the food, drinking the egg nog and apple cider, and even though I'm not religious, go to church just for the sake of it. I'm tired of this boring non-celebratory lifestyle.

This is a list of things I want to do this holiday season:

1) Read "A Christmas Carol"
2) Watch "The Polar Express" because I haven't gotten around to it yet
3) Get a real Christmas tree for once
4) Make some ornaments of my own
5) Learn some of the classic christmas carols

I'm gonna keep a record of the strange things my mom does because I hate the way she is acting.

2 AM - Singing and talking to dog while putting glasses away in the cupboard. Very noisy.

Yesterday she was insisting on moving one of the couches in the living room by the sliding door, because she wanted to "have somebody over." She also moved a coffee table next to a different couch because she wanted to sit there on her computer.

She kept insisting that any food left out was attracting flies. HOWEVER, she left the dog food out and didn't complain about that (she loves her dog).

Every night she has the light on while my dad is sleeping. I wonder how in the hell he ever gets decent rest.

Why am I so stupid to belive him when he says we will go out and do something fun for once? It sucks ass that he gets so upset over something so stupid that he can't even do homework or go out. He overreacts. It's not as disappointing this time because I was already expecting this. It always happens.

So my bf might have gotten kicked out of his class. I'm upset with his teacher because he tried to contact her a long time ago and she never responded to him. It's not like he just called once either. He tried her email too and tried to set up some office hours with her but still she seemed to ignore him. Now, today, he noticed that she has the notes and stuff for the textbook are up on the website but the notes are from a previous edition. So he pointed this out on the discussion board and it appears that she has locked him out of the online class. I know he might seem to complain alot but that is not a good excuse for kicking someone out of their online class. This teacher doesn't work on campus. Her classes are thoroughly online. I just the impression that she hides behind the safety of the internet and finds it easy to bully students because of that.
When you don't respond to a student for 2 months, there is a problem.

My school has an issue right now with online classes. It's possible that they may no longer have them and it's things like the problem my bf is having with this teacher that make me agree with removing them. It's too hard to keep track of the quality of a class, and the teacher as well, when it's all online. And how do you communicate with a teacher who will not respond to your emails or your calls or even your posts on the discussion board.

I know I shouldn't take it this far, but it's almost personal now. I want to find this lady in person and have her explain why she is so hard to get a hold of and why she would deny someone access to their class because they asked about the notes coming from an old edition of the textbook. How is that justified?

The work my bf has to do doesn't seem that hard but there are weekly quizzes (of 80 questions, mind you). He has to answer all the questions within 40 minutes. In my opinion that is not a quiz. Anyway, these "quizzes" come from the publisher, not the teacher. All of them. And she uses the same questions every semester so she does not let you see your actual quiz after it's been graded for fear people will copy the questions down and cheat the following semester.

The online notes, also from the publisher. This is a lazy, lazy teacher. I can understand how having hundreds of online students is a heavy load for one teacher but... in essence all she needs to do teaching-wise, with the way she has it set up, is assign homework and grade it. I think she could stand to maybe take one of those quizzes herself, 40 minutes for 80 questions is hard even if you absolutely know your material. Why take this class if you end up teaching yourself? Why pay for the units?

If I am going to pay 80 bux to take a class and there are 200 other students taking that same class, I expect that teacher to do his or her job because they are being paid to do it.

So I tried that veggie thing. It sort of worked but I started eating regular food by the end of the second day cuz I was so hungry lol. But still, I did lose a little bit of weight. I may do it again tomorrow but I'd have to buy some veggies in the morning or after school. So, anyway, I was thinking that lately I've been trying to eat less "bad food" like pies and pasta, and look at food labels to know what it is that I am putting in my body. I think my boyfriend might be getting the impression that I'm a little obsessed because I even watch HIS food labels. My problem right now is that I wonder is how far is too far when I give him my opinion about what he eats? Maybe I'm being to invasive of his life, but the reason why I do that is because sometimes we alude to one day getting married. Honestly it would worry me to marry someone who does take enough care of his body. What about his future kids? He sometimes makes comments about his mom and uncle being fat but ironically wondering what they eat, since their kitchen is empty. He comments about wishing his dad could be there on his wedding day. I know his fathers case is a little different, but health concern is still there.

Maybe it's selfish of me, but I worry that if he continues to eat the way he does and not do any exercise (when physically able to), my own future will be a burden. "If you love somebody it shouldn't matter," right? But it's because I love him that I want him to be in the best health possible. For his sake too. He'd have more energy and be less stressed and feel more confident. He is 25 and already has high cholesterol. Now, being American, I guess that is nothing new. I know that what he eats contributes. Earlier today I told him we should have a competition where we both give up some bad foods that we like and eat alot and see who lasts longer without eating them. For me it's sweets and for him it's fast food. I don't think I can go one day without eating something sweet and I think that is pathetic. He likes fast food but in all honesty I think what he should give up is meat because that is the thing he cannot go a day without.

Aside from the food... I need to talk about him about more personal things lol. I'm inhibited and he is too. It could be better for sure.

I'm gonna try and do a 3 day veggies-only fast. The reason I don't want to include fruit is because of my sweet tooth. I've been doing 40 mins of treadmil at max incline at somewhere between 2.5 and 3.0 mph everyday. I missed maybe one day in the past 2 weeks. I have not lost a single pound. I don't know if its stress or maybe I'm eating too many simple carbs or too big of portion sizes, but I'm really frustrated. Hopefully this 3 day veggie fast will help me get back down to 173. I'm at about 178 right now and I can't seem to get below that for some reason. I know it's only 5 pounds but it feels like 20. Even a 5 pound weight loss helps me feel much better. I know I can eat as much as I want if it's only veggies cuz they are so low in calories.

Hello?

I think I have finally gotten it straight what my problem is with Garrett. At first I thought he didn't listen and then I thought he didn't care. Those might be true and maybe they aren't, I don't know. Anyhow, the problem is that he doesn't pay attention to me. It upsets me that my dad has priority for his attention. And when we are talking about something he sometimes just goes "mmh" and kinda veers the conversation in his direction. And if I tell him that I want him to listen to what I'm saying he says again "mmh" so I just give up and go silent, because really why would I want to talk to him anymore if he doesn't listen to me?

I think I pay attention to him even when I don't completely feel like doing it. It seems that he only pays attention to me when HE wants attention. That is the thing that I am unsure about with us. That is what I could not live with if we got married.

I hate the excuse that he does that because he's male. Sure, okay, men tend to do that but I'm sure that there are plenty of guys out there who are willing to put more work into paying attention to their girl. I'm sure there are guys out there who I can have an intelligent conversation with who wont leave the room just because somebody more interesting (my dad) has shown up. It feels really unhealthy. It doesn't make me feel happy that I'm less worthy of his time.

I think I'll tell him tomorrow that I don't want him at my house after 6. Because I dread weekends now. He spends all his time in the "office" with my dad and comes out to "check on me" every once in a while. Okay, what the fuck? I'm his girlfriend. Am I jealous? Yes, of course, and I have a perfect right to be. Now that I know what the problem is I can TRY to talk to him about it. Will he pay enough attention? Mmh...

Good things to know

1. White eyeliner is great for covering zits.
2. Using a monospace font and changinf line spacing ever so slightly can get you around a teacher that demands you use 1 inch margins and 12 point font.
3. Getting a good night sleep actually does make you feel better the next day.
4. Same for exercise and vegetables and fruits and plenty of water.
5. Waking up at nine or later gives me a headache.
6. A clean house keeps my stress down.
7. Same for laundry that doesn't build up and homework and a dirty floor.
8. Clear skin and neat nails make me feel slightly more attractive.
9. Clean hair and properly fitting clothes make me feel comfortable in my own skin around other people.
10. A beautiful day can really cheer me up.
11. I can sometimes avoid a migrain with the following combo: a good workout, 2 full glasses of water, a cup of coffee and some aspirin. If those don't work then I turn to my migraine pills.